It Doesn't Rain Everyday
by B. Banana
Summary: Shonen-ai. Tasuki's no good, stinky, horrible day.
1. Hokkan

__

"It can't rain everyday"

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi is not mine, it belongs to Yuu Watase. And as much as I love Tasuki, Kouji, and Nakago, they are not mine either. 

WARNING: This contains SHONEN-AI, and maybe even YAOI. Between Tasuki and Nakago, as well as Tasuki and Kouji, you'll quickly come to realize if you actually read the thing. So, reader beware.

By the way, I got the idea for Tasuki/Nakago from J. Marie, an EXCELLENT writer, in the story "_Only Time_," which can be read here. You should read it!

++

Part 1--Hokkan

++

__

Why? I need to know why.

I was looking for something...

You couldn't find it here? With me?

I didn't know...Why did you never tell me? This whole time...you...

"No...!"

++

During the winter, when snow falls, clouds seem to trap the entire world in shadow, sinking in low from the sky to give the illusion of restraint. It was a smothering sensation, one he hadn't associated with snow until recently. Perhaps it was because of the near perpetual weather, day in and day out, or maybe because of something a bit more sinister.

Whatever the reason, trudging along in the dark, being pelted with snow, Tasuki felt a major sense of foreboding. This wasn't something he did often; it was far too dangerous for that. But in this weather, he didn't have to worry so much about being caught. Who, other than him, was crazy enough to be out here? Under any other circumstances, Tasuki wouldn't be caught dead out here.

Right now, all his friends would be curled up in bed. No one was worrying about when he would be back or concerned about his safety, out here in the dark. No one eagerly awaited his return. There was no one there to miss him and keep his bed warm until he got back. Everybody already had somebody. He wouldn't find what he was looking for back there. But would he where he was going? Tasuki sighed and watched his breath fan out and away from him. Probably not.

Before him, the road seemed to stretch into a lonely forever, with nothing for miles. Tasuki knew better. The place he was looking for was only another mile ahead. The falling snow limited even his sharp vision. A few more steps and he would be able to make out the first lights.

The sight of the small camp, as always, struck a small pang of fear in him. No matter how many times he came here, Tasuki would never be able to look upon this place with happiness, or feel the joy of returning here. Too much had happened here, too much that Tasuki regretted when the sun rose the next morning, too much that he tried to cram into the back of his mind when he was awake. He'd given up wondering why he came back, time after time. 

As he walked through the camp, no one looked up and told him to get out or raised arms to him, as they should've. He was their enemy, after all. The dogs didn't even bark so much anymore. The way the soldiers seemed to recognize him filled Tasuki with a feeling he had no name for. Was it sadness? Or maybe guilt? Perhaps it was a mixture of both. 

Shadows shifted and danced on the walls as they often did in small campsites; the tent walls concealed, but did not protect. The tent's single lantern threw the abstract, frightening images of monsters on the thin walls. Tasuki could see people inside the tents going about their lives. They didn't care one way or another what he was doing, who he was going to see and who he was betraying. In the distance he could smell the remnants of that night's meal. Nothing was even out of the ordinary for them. Tasuki smiled sadly to himself. He was probably just one of many to them.

How many other men and women had done this same thing? How many others threw everything away for one night, a chance to feel loved, or to achieve a sense of belonging, like him? Surely he hadn't been the first. No, no, he wasn't the first. He wouldn't let himself believe that, however many other lies he told himself.

The tent he was looking for was right in front of him, deep blue in color and easily the biggest in the camp. A banner of a blue dragon on a field of gold blew proudly from the top. The general's tent. Nakago's tent. Out of everything he had to do, entering here was always the hardest. It was always so dark inside...

The tent flap seemed like it weighed at least two hundred pounds, but Tasuki lifted it and entered the tent, anyway. Closing his eyes and waiting for them to dilate, he marveled at the heat of the compartments. To his left was a small table and chair with documents stacked and piled meticulously on top of it. To his left was a large chair. Tasuki could only make out vague shapes of what the rest of the tent contained. Everlasting darkness...had the sun ever seen this place? 

He started when he saw a figure come apart from the shadows and begin towards him. In the dim light, he could only just see the cold handsome features he knew the other possessed. Tall, muscular, the man crept like a lion stalking tender prey. Tasuki fought not to retreat. Like always, every part of him screamed to get the hell out of there. 

He felt more than he saw the smirk planted on Nakago's cruel mouth. He couldn't leave. It was too late now. Even if he...

"I'm glad you came, Tasuki," Nakago purred. The blonde's voice in the silence sent a shock through Tasuki's body. He failed to return the other's artificial, warm expression.

Even if he wanted to...

Tasuki said nothing, but stared as Nakago removed his shirt. The wrongness of the situation once again hit him. What was Miaka doing right now? Tamahome? Were they happy together, even as he betrayed them? What would Kouji say?

Tasuki looked away in shame. Kouji wasn't here.

Why was he here? What was he looking for? Tasuki was a fool to think Nakago could provide it for him. Or could he? 

He stifled a gasp as a calloused hand reached from the darkness to cup his cheek. He leaned into the touch. It was nice to be touched in this way, even it was from Nakago, but this wasn't why he was here. Nakago may have thought it was, but the man wasn't always right.

What he was looking for...

Nakago stared down from his elevated height to meet Tasuki's eyes. One hand fell slowly to rest on his hip. Tasuki moaned into Nakago's mouth as they kissed. His hands fluttered and fell like dying birds at his side. His mind seized its furious working for a moment. 

One part of a whole...He wanted to be...

Nakago pulled away to caress a line down Tasuki's neck. Tasuki found himself grasping Nakago's bare arms. 

He wanted to...be with someone who wanted him. Someone who wouldn't push him away. Even if it was just sex...Is that what he came here for? No, not entirely.

Something passed before Tasuki's eyes even as he slid them shut and allowed himself to be drawn into a tight embrace. Just to be wanted. To be needed and belong. He would do anything for that. For that, he could be ruthless. Whatever it takes... 

In the darkness, they missed each other's calculating glares.

++

"Some daydream." Tasuki's eyes snapped open as Nuriko plopped down into the vacant seat beside him. "I've been calling you forever."

"I wasn't daydreaming; I was just ignoring you." Tasuki quipped and settled back down in a comfortable position. He hadn't actually heard the other man, but he hated for Nuriko to think he had the upper hand in anything. Nuriko glared at him, but soon lost interest.

"Aren't you cold?" The effeminate man asked eyeing Tasuki's clothes. They'd been in Hokkan, the land governed by Genbu for at least three months and were still no closer to finding the shinzaho. People were getting frustrated being led on a wild goose chase, and because of the ice and snow that were constantly covering the ground. Tasuki chose to wear the same clothes he always had. As per usual when he was questioned about his clothes, he just shrugged. 

"Cold doesn't bother me," he said. Tasuki pulled his tessen from his trench coat and started fiddling with it. Nuriko shook his head.

"No, I don't suppose it would." He was covered from head to toe, the only skin bare to the elements was his face. The ability to walk about as Tasuki did was beyond him. He sighed. "Anyway. We're all gonna have lunch. Let's go."

The dining hall was filled with the sounds of people eating, fighting, and generally being obnoxious. Sitting across two tables pushed together were the rest of the Suzaku warriors, who were holding down several conversations between the lot of them.

"I found him. He was dreaming in his room again." Nuriko announced and took a seat beside Miaka. She swallowed the bite she was eating and smiled up at Tasuki.

"Hey! Good morning! Where were you at breakfast?" She asked. 

"I took a walk. Being cooped up in here is making me crazy." Tasuki said to the pretty little girl before taking his own seat next to Mitsukake. Miaka beamed at him and returned to her food. Tasuki felt a stab in his chest when he saw her guileless expression. The truth was he'd just gotten to the inn and crept into his bed when breakfast was called. Luckily, Chiriko, his roommate, had already left for the morning. 

Mitsukake turned and stared at him with his penetrating eyes for a hard moment. Tasuki fought hard not to fidget. The somber, quiet man had always made him nervous, but he managed to return the large man's gaze openly. Mitsukake turned away when Chiriko began speaking to him. Tasuki let out a silent sigh of relief. 

"All right, everybody," Tamahome said from the head of the table. He'd improved a lot in the few months since his family was murdered, even regained his position as the unofficial leader of their group again. Tasuki was happy to see him so well.

"Continue with whatever you were doing yesterday. If anybody finds anything, you all know what to do." Tamahome glared as Nuriko groaned and shoved his hands into wool mittens. So far, no one had turned up anything on the shinzaho. It was a very slow, very maddening process. It didn't seem like they were ever going to find it. 

No one was very thrilled as he rose from the table, Tasuki included. The cold may have been impotent against him, but it still put him in a bad mood. He left before anyone could ask to join him. As much as he loved the other Suzaku warriors, he wasn't up to dealing with them today.

"What's wrong with Tasuki?" Chiriko asked, after he had gone. To his left, Nuriko shrugged. 

"I don't know. He's been like that the past few days. It worries me." His full lips were pulled in a deep frown. "He's so calm and quiet..."

"Why are you complaining?" Chichiri asked, huge grin on his face. Nuriko tossed a look at him. The other man sobered. "I do see what you are talking about, though."

"Do you think he could be sick, Mitsukake?" Asked Chiriko. The huge man just shrugged.

"I wouldn't know until I was able to examine him. It could just be he's homesick." 

It was silent a moment while this option was considered.

"I do suppose that could be it. I'm missing Konan myself these days." Chiriko said, thoughtfully.

"What are you guys talking about?" A small bright voice piped from the head of the table.

"Nothing, Miaka," Nuriko said, not wanting to bother her with their troubles. He turned to her and said, "Will you search with me today?"

"Sure!" She exclaimed. The pair got up and left the table. One by one, the others followed. They prepared themselves for another long day. It was getting to be the usual around there.

Outside, Tasuki trudged through the snow, looking for a clue of something he had no idea existed. As he was walking, it began to snow again. The odd stillness in the air that always accompanies winter storms made Tasuki pause in his tracks. It reminded him of the last time it had snowed in Konan. Storms are different in the forest, stillness in the woods makes the place seem mystical and strange and beautiful. Tasuki closed his eyes and faced the heavens.

++

"You look like a kid, standing there with your tongue hanging out like that." 

Tasuki laughed as he finally caught a snowflake on his tongue. "Sometimes, Kouji, you have to stop and enjoy the finer things in life."

"Wise sentiment, coming from a seventeen-year-old bandit." Kouji said. He still found it hard to believe that this kid would be his boss someday. But he would never accept any one else as his leader; he loved the younger man fiercely.

"Like you're some wise, learned man yourself." Tasuki shot back. "'Sides, how often does it snow out here? Practically never." He answered his own question. It rained more often than it snowed in Konan, and he was never one to pass up an opportunity. 

Kouji had to smile at the logic Tasuki presented. He was right, the last time in snowed, he'd been maybe fifteen. Kouji couldn't help but feel a little playful as well. He smirked, even as Tasuki completed another turn in the snow.

The look of shock on Tasuki's face as a snowball collided with it was priceless. He took a moment to clear the snow from his eyes and mouth before yelling a string of obscenities in Kouji's general direction. Kouji shut him up with another snowball. 

"You're pathetic!" He teased. "Are you just going to stand there and scream like a girl?" 

"Nobody calls me a girl, not even you, Kouji!" Tasuki growled and gathered up snow for his own assault. 

"Ooh, feisty! The girl can fight!" He laughed.

"Bastard!" Tasuki hurled a snowball at his chest. It hit hard enough to sting. 

"So? I doubt your mother was married when she had you, either!" It was Tasuki's turn to laugh. 

"No, maybe not, but that's beside the point!" They continued flinging snow at each other.

Eventually Kouji collapsed under a nearby tree. Tasuki joined him a moment later. 

"If you weren't so ancient, you wouldn't have lost." He said, breathing heavily.

"I'm two years older than you are, punk." Kouji said. The snow still continued to fall, it was getting hard to see far in front of him. He watched it start to fill the large tracks they'd made. 

"Exactly. Ancient." Tasuki stared up into the sky. It seemed to have gained a yellowish tint. For the first time, he noticed the dead silence. If he listened hard enough, he was sure he could here the snow falling. "It's kind of eerie, isn't it?" Kouji nodded in agreement. 

"The forest...it's never so silent. It's almost like its dead." He noted.

"That's what I was thinking." Tasuki said. The conversation dwindled, but the silence between the two men was comfortable. Both were content to watch the storm rage on from beneath the tree.

"Do you ever worry about what's going to happen, after the boss dies?" Tasuki suddenly asked. His brows were drawn together in a deep frown.

"No. I think everything is going to be taken care of. Are you worried about becoming the new leader?" Kouji glanced over at his younger companion.

"Yeah, but I don't know why. All my life I've dreamed of it, and now its finally happening. I can't help but wonder if..." Tasuki trailed off.

"What?"

"If this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, before I came here, people always said how I would become a great man someday, and how I had a huge destiny to fulfill, just because of this mark on my arm." He lifted his arm to emphasize his point. "What if I'm screwing everything up by becoming a bandit?"

"Did you ever think this was your destiny?" Kouji asked. When Tasuki stared at him blankly, he sighed and tried to explain. "Do you respect the leader?"

"Of course, he's like the father I never knew." Tasuki answered, looking at Kouji.

"Would you say he was a great man?" Kouji asked.

Tasuki snorted. "Looking at all he's accomplished, yeah, sure." He scoffed.

"Then what's the problem, if you are taking this great man's place? Maybe this is your destiny. Do you see my point?" 

"I--" Tasuki began, but stopped and grinned widely. "Thanks, Kouji."

"Anytime, kid." Kouji lifted himself up from the tree with a groan. He offered a hand to Tasuki.

"Thanks." Tasuki said, taking the hand and getting up. Kouji dropped an arm around his shoulders. Together, the two men walked back to their home. It never stopped snowing.

++

"Get out of the damn road, wouldja?" A cart tore through the mud and snow where Tasuki had just been standing. He shook his head at his own ignorance. He needed to pay more attention.

By now he was about a mile outside of town, still no sign of the shinzaho. He contemplated just giving up and going home for the rest of the afternoon. They'd never find it, anyway. Why waste his time? He turned around.

Out of nowhere, a figure dropped down beside him. Turning, he saw it was Suboshi, Nakago's lackey.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Tasuki easily dropped into a fighting stance. Pulling his tessen from his coat, he prepared to do battle. He was shocked when Suboshi did nothing but stare.

"I did not come here to fight you," he said disdainfully. "Master Nakago requests your presence, although I can hardly see why."

Tasuki growled, his fangs bared and glinting wickedly. "Watch your mouth, or you might just end up like your brother." 

It was Suboshi's turn to become fierce. "Don't you ever mention my brother!" Before Tasuki could do anything, Suboshi disappeared, his lightening quick speed making him impossible to track. The boy was gone. Tasuki cursed wildly.

Why did Nakago need to see him? He'd never summoned him before, especially in the daytime. It certainly wasn't good. It wasn't as though he could ignore it, either. Tasuki had never feared any one man as much as he feared Nakago. 

"Well, if he wants me..." Tasuki faced the direction of the Seiryu camp. It was a long walk, taking him completely around the town so he wasn't seen, but what else did he have to do today? He started on his way.

++

Why was this place always thrown in darkness? Tasuki thought, stepping into a large tent. It could be the middle of the day and it would still be as black as pitch in here. He briskly rubbed his arms, more out of habit than of need. He waited for Nakago to show himself.

"Your teammates have finally learned of the shinzaho's location." A voice spoke directly behind him. Tasuki started and almost fell over. 

"Then what the hell am I doing here?" Tasuki asked, regaining his balance and turning around to face the other man. 

"I need to ask you a favor." A smile could be heard in Nakago's voice when he spoke. Tasuki was immediately wary. This man was dangerous. He knew that.

"What kind of favor?" He already had a sneaking suspicion as to what Nakago would ask of him--but maybe he was wrong and he just wanted a foot rub or something.

"I need you to bring the shinzaho here after your teammates get it." 

Tasuki closed his eyes. He figured it would be that. "I don't want to betray my friends." He said. 

"Haven't you already? What difference does it make to you if they know or not?" Nakago said, a little harshly. 

"I--" He broke off. What the other man had said was true after all. What difference does it make? _What difference does it make?_ Tasuki turned the question over and over in his head. I never truly belonged with them anyway; just an extra body, now that they couldn't summon Suzaku normally...

Nakago looked at him expectantly. "What?" Tasuki snapped, not trusting the other man's expression. He was smart enough to know when he was being used and manipulated. How stupid did the other man think he was? Tasuki felt vaguely insulted. 

It didn't really mean much to him, though. If he was being used, then Nakago needed him for something. He was useful. That was more than he received from the Suzaku Seven. They didn't need him. He wasn't as smart as Chiriko, not as strong as Nuriko, and he couldn't do magic like Chichiri. He wasn't the priestess's favored like Tamahome. 

Tasuki hated to feel useless. At least with Nakago he served a purpose.

"If I do this for you, what will you do for me?" Tasuki asked.

Nakago looked a little taken aback. He obviously wasn't expecting Tasuki to ask for anything. He underestimated him, as always.

"What do you want?" He asked.

Use me. 

"Let me work under you. Let me be your right-hand man." Tasuki met the other man's eyes for the first time since entering the tent. 

"Certainly. You would be of great use...under me." Nakago smiled wickedly. Ignoring the other implications of the statement, Tasuki smiled. That was all he wanted to hear. 

++

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over! We've finally found the shinzaho!" Chichiri's excited yells reached him even as he reentered the town. Apparently the other man had been waiting for him. 

"You're kidding! Thank Suzaku!" Tasuki feigned surprise rather well, considering. However, at hearing the other man's excitement, couldn't help but feel guilty at what he was about to do. He felt sick to his stomach.

"Just come back with me to the inn, everybody else is there. We'll talk about it then." Chichiri grabbed his arm and hauled him off before he could say anything else. 

"There you are! Did Chichiri already tell you?" Tamahome greeted Tasuki even as he stepped through the swinging doors. "We found it!"

"It's in a cave just a few miles north of here!" Miaka accompanied merrily. Everybody was in high spirits. Even Mitsukake was smiling. Tasuki felt sicker and sicker.

"Then why are we just waiting here? We don't have much time." Tasuki said. He sounded fake even to his own ears. 

"I know. That Kutou camp not far from here has been moving a lot, lately. They must have found something as well. That's why Nuriko has already gone ahead. We all stayed behind to look for you." Tamahome explained. "Are you ready to go now?" 

Tasuki's stomach lurched and the color drained from his face. "Yeah, let's go." He said weakly.

"Are you sure? You look kind of pale." Miaka glanced him over hurriedly. "Are you sick? Maybe Mitsukake should take a look at you."

"No! I'm fine. Let's go." He barked. He instantly regretted snapping at the girl. She looked hurt. Behind him, Chichiri threw Chiriko a weighted glance. 

"Well, if you're sure you're fine..." Miaka took a few steps away from Tasuki, back into Tamahome's grasp. Tasuki turned away, hiding a pained expression.

"What are the rest of you waiting for?" He called out, moving toward the small stables around the building. The four other men and lady followed him.

"Did anyone else notice something weird about that whole entire exchange?" Chichiri asked. Chiriko nodded his agreement. Mitsukake said nothing. 

"As long as I'm not the only one..." Chichiri said. He glared bemusedly at Tasuki's retreating back. "What is his problem?" The question remained unanswered. Miaka chose that moment to poke her head in their conversation. 

"Hey, guh...." She began. Miaka stopped mid-word, but no one noticed. They had all stopped what they were doing as well. After a long moment, tears began coursing down her face. "Did you feel that?" She sobbed.

They had. Chichiri clutched at his chest while Mitsukake stared, shocked and upset, at the ground. Chiriko was weeping openly. 

"Nuriko...Something's happened to Nuriko!" Miaka cried. 

A few yards from them, Tasuki dropped to his knees. His vision had narrowed to a point and the deepest sense of loss filled him. Nuriko...Nuriko was gone! And it was all his fault! If he had been here, not at...he would not have agreed to that if he had known. He wouldn't have! Tasuki was sure he could hear Nakago laughing from here. He let out a soft sob.

"Tasuki..." Tamahome knelt and offered the other man a hand. Tasuki studied at it before taking it and getting up. "Now, more than ever, we have to hurry." 

Tasuki wiped his face and nodded. Now more than ever...

++

Swing! Parry, thrust! Now, duck! A litany of commands sounded in Tasuki's head. Who would have thought these rich peacocks would have such a large team of bodyguards? It was just supposed to be a routine, in and out robbery. Three men should have been enough...Tasuki winced as the butt of some weapon was rammed into his midsection and he heard his ribs crack, a sick crunch. He tried hard not to wretch. He was already favoring one arm, the other sported a gash maybe six inches long, from bicep to forearm. The last thing he needed was another broken rib. 

"Genroh, behind you!" A huge hulk of a man loomed over him brandishing what could have been a sword or a cleaver. Tasuki kicked his knees out before he had a chance to cause much damage. 

"Kouji, you alive?" He yelled out over the skirmish. He'd lost sight of his two men sometime after the attack began.

"Who do you think is watching your ass?" Kouji threw the longish strands of his hair out of his eyes with a jerk of his head. "We lost Ran though!"

"It's about time for my ass to get out of here!" Tasuki called out. The bodyguards were starting to regroup. He and Kouji wouldn't make it much longer.

"I'd be more than happy to watch it for you!" One man started lumbering towards him. Tasuki pulled several wards from somewhere in his coat. The phantom wolves he was so aptly named for seemingly sprang from the air. He laughed as the men took a wary step back.

"Now!" Kouji and Tasuki tore from the scene as fast as they could, leaping into the trees as soon as there was a limb close enough to the ground. They were at least a mile away before Tasuki fell from the tree he was perched upon.

"How badly is the baby hurt?" Kouji asked, dropping soundlessly beside him.

"Screw you, Kouji." Tasuki flipped onto his side amidst the leaves that littered the forest floor. The movement brought the coppery taste of blood to his mouth. Kouji placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him onto his back again. 

"Seriously, how bad is it?" Outwardly, he looked nonchalant, and almost a little annoyed, but the expression didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Two...ah...three broken ribs. My right arm's useless." He looked Kouji over, noting the lack of blood or injuries. "Are you telling me you got out of that completely unharmed?"

Kouji shook his head. "Even I'm not that good a fighter." He lifted his shirt to show the mass of bruises on his chest. There were five, total, each the size of Tasuki's palm, easily. 

"This bites." Tasuki groaned. Kouji just shrugged.

"It happens. You just got to go with it, sometimes." He looked at the sun, trying to gauge how many hours of sunlight they had left. "It is a pity about Ran."

Tasuki nodded, staring into the leafy canopy above his head.

"So, what do you propose we do, partner? We have maybe three hours of daylight left. Should we camp out here, or try to drag our carcasses home?"

"There's a stream near here, right?" At Kouji's affirmative response he continued. "Let's try to make it there before I die of blood loss."

"Good idea. I knew I kept you around for something." Tasuki snorted and winced.

"Out of all my winning qualities, you choose my cunning intellect? Over my winning personality? Unbelievable." 

"C'mon, or do you need me to carry you?" Kouji grinned above him. Tasuki glared at him.

"I wouldn't want to strain those girly arms of yours."

"At least I have the good sense not to let them get torn apart, idiot!"

Despite Tasuki's protests, Kouji slipped one arm over his shoulders and helped him to the stream. Tasuki huffed, or would have, had his torso and upper body not been in excruciating pain. Kouji was amused with his annoyance.

"Stop it. It's not like you've never done this for me." He said.

"Yeah? And you're also a lot more stupid than I am!" Tasuki snapped, but immediately looked repentant. "I don't usually make mistakes like that." He added.

"Everyone makes mistakes like that. None of us saw that they had that many guards. Stop whining, you did what you could." Tasuki nodded bleakly. He had already shouldered the blame, regardless of his friend's comforting words.

The stream was only a little better than a puddle running through the forest usually, but after the heavy rains they'd been having, it was swelled to a good enough size. Resting against a log, Tasuki struggled to remove his shirt. Kouji sighed at the pathetic display, but let the other man take care of it. He scanned his own body to make sure a few bruises were all he had sustained. 

Tasuki let out a bark of triumph when he finally removed his shirt. Kouji winced when he turned around. His torso was already turning a mottled purple-black and the gash in his arm must have severed a major artery. The second Tasuki let pressure off of it, it gushed wildly, blood so red it was black seeping through his fingers. 

"It looks worse than it actually is," Tasuki muttered, placing his hand over the wound again. 

Kouji sighed again. "Can you move your fingers?" The fingers of Tasuki's right hand twitched, flexed, and curled into a fist. Kouji nodded and plopped down matter-of-factly on the log next to Tasuki. Picking up his shirt from where it had been discarded on the ground, Kouji tore it cleanly into strips.

"Hey!" Tasuki protested.

"It's your arm! I'm not going to tear up my shirt!"

Kouji first cleaned all the blood from his arm--there was a lot of it--then bound the arm as tightly as he dared. It would have to hold until daybreak which was a long ways off yet. Tasuki sat in moderate silence while Kouji tended to him, but noticed how he tensed when he accidentally touched him while wrapping his ribs. Other than that, Tasuki was completely complacent.

"If I didn't know the horrible pain you were going through now, I would almost say you were enjoying this." Kouji stated, prodding at one of the fractures.

There was a long pause. "It's nice not to have to take care of myself for a change." 

If what Tasuki had said hadn't given Kouji a pause, then the odd tone would have. What a weird thing, to hear it coming from Tasuki. Was it possible for a fever to have set in already? They had been traveling pretty hard...

"Genroh...what do you mean by that?" His face looked normal, he was warm, but nothing to worry about...

"Nothing." Tasuki met his eyes, almost seemed to dare Kouji to push just a little bit farther. Kouji looked away.

"Sorry I couldn't do anything else about your ribs. We'll have to take care of that when we get back." Tasuki sighed and eased himself onto the ground, either not noticing or ignoring Kouji's sidelong concerned glances.

Kouji stamped down the feeling of uneasiness. Why was he being so difficult, anyway? He hated it when Genroh got touchy and moody, luckily it didn't happen very often. They might have been best friends, but silent companionship wasn't something either of them was accustomed to. It was more than a little uncomfortable to Kouji and right now it seemed like it was stretching on forever. Kouji grew tired of waiting for Tasuki to break the silence.

"What's bothering you?" Kouji finally asked. He heard the loud whoosh of a sigh behind him.

"It's stupid. You'll laugh." Tasuki said. 

"Have I ever laughed at you? When you're being serious, I mean?" Kouji smiled disarmingly. 

"What about the time I told you my greatest fear as a child? I was serious then." Tasuki said stuffily.

"You were afraid of rabbits." Kouji pointed out.

"...it was my sisters' fault." 

"Right. So just tell me your problem." Kouji sighed. Tasuki continued to glare at him. Kouji threw up his arms. "What do you want me to say?! That having a fear of rabbits is a healthy, valid fear?!"

"What were you afraid of as a kid?" Tasuki asked.

"Moths," Kouji admitted quickly.

"Moths? You're afraid of _moths_?" Tasuki exclaimed. "Why?!"

"Did you ever look at them? They're scary! That tube thing they have for a mouth...!" Kouji shuddered.

"You have to be kidding..." Tasuki laughed as softly as he could into the trees above him. "Rabbits and moths...what a pair we make!"

Kouji laughed along with his friend, and forgot all about the other fear Tasuki never named. 

++ 

"Genroh!"

Kouji woke from the dream he was having with a start. Panting, and with trickles of sweat rolling down his back, he rose from bed. The bed itself was huge, rumpled blankets adorned its vast surface. It was a bandit king's bed, meant to hold several beautiful women with no clothes on. At the time, and for a long time previous, it had held only Kouji's lonely body. 

For the past few nights, he had been dreaming of Tasuki. Not that this was an unusual past time for him, but lately Tasuki had been fully dressed, unlike usual. In the dream, Tasuki was standing in water that looked as viscous and black as tar, and no matter how hard he struggled, Kouji always seemed to get stuck and pulled under. All the time, Tasuki would just stare as if he didn't see him. Kouji didn't want to know what it meant.

It had been several months since he had last seen or even heard from his friend, and Kouji would admit to missing him. This would be the first time since he was sixteen that they would have been apart for this long. The fort where he lived seemed empty and lonely. When Tasuki had came there three years ago, he had made himself as much a part of the fort as the wood flooring or the lofty ceilings. It wasn't the same without him. Kouji wasn't the same without him.

Before Tasuki had left, Kouji had never realized how much a part of himself the other man was. It had taken him a few days to get used to Tasuki's absence. It made him feel almost impotent, without the fiery younger man there to back him up. Even now, months later, he would catch himself waiting to hear familiar footsteps outside his door and their odd way of identifying each other called out. Worse, he would be disappointed when it never came.

To say that Kouji and Tasuki were like brothers would be a vast understatement. They cared for each other much more deeply than that. However, there was always an underlying tension between them. That was mostly Kouji's fault. For a long, long time Kouji had been attracted to Tasuki. Naturally he didn't say anything. What was he supposed to do? For any options he saw he had open to him, the consequences, should Tasuki fail to return his feelings, were just too drastic. So he was happy and content to let the friendship remain as it was. At least, he told himself, he was happy. Now that Tasuki was gone, he regretted never taking action more and more everyday.

Kouji's room had a balcony that was positioned right in the treetops. From it, he could just barely make out the moon on clear nights. Tonight, there was no moon hanging dully in the distance. Clouds were surely blanketing the sky--there were no stars out tonight, either. Darkness dripped from the sky as surely as rain was about to. That was fine for Kouji. It complimented his mood. It made no real difference either--people could be robbed just as easily in the sunshine as they could in the rain. 

He wondered where Tasuki was now. Did the rain match his mood, too? Was he happy among his new friends? Did he think of him? Did he miss him? It disturbed Kouji to think Tasuki was as miserable as he was. The man had always been so quick to laugh (at other people) and carefree...obviously his conscience and the morality of stealing never pestered him. Granted, he could be very loud and a little brash, but compared to the other bandits he was a joy to have around. Kouji's thoughts filled with the young man and he felt a sharp pang in his chest.

Pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, Kouji rubbed his eyes. He had to block Tasuki out if he was going to get any sleep. Maybe getting his mind off of him would help with the dream. Kouji sighed. He hoped he was all right, because there was no way he could save him if he was. And deep down, that thought terrified him.

++ 

Blue...Blue. A sea of blue. What a hideous color. The bed in which he had awoken from was swathed in several shades of the color; the ceiling presented before him was painted a dusky hue. Everywhere he turned it was all he saw. He was surrounded by it. Tasuki was sure it was some sort of cruel joke. 

Which would be far, far less than he deserved, he thought, coming fully awake. Fresh memories of the day before flooded his thoughts even as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Had that really all happened in a day? It seemed like it had lasted weeks. First Nuriko, then...

News of his betrayal had surely reached Konan already. Very soon now the people would hear. Kouji would hear. Fighting not to release the pained sigh that built up in his chest, Tasuki fell back against his mattress. He fancied going back to sleep--he didn't have to think about things there--but figured someone was bound to come looking for him eventually. He couldn't stay hiding in the chambers he had been given forever, no matter how much he wanted to.

Beside him, a small pitcher of water sat on the table. It had been slightly disturbed by his movements. Ripples buffeted the sides and reverberated into the middle. Looking at it, Tasuki was mesmerized. In the light, the water looked full of depth--like the ripples, it too, went on forever. The blue sucked him in.

Betrayed eyes. Tears. The wordless, soundless cry of _"How could you?" _Her eyes, at that moment, had seemed to go on for eternity. Before they had closed down, and he was locked out of them. He'd never seen her eyes look that way, forbidding, warning, full of hate. Hate for him. Had he ever been hated? 

It was the strongest emotion he'd ever coaxed out of her.

Tasuki almost surprised himself when he sent the vase hurdling at the wall, exploding into dripping glass. He hadn't really been aware of doing it...but it had felt good. He laughed in an unpleasant way to himself. He wasn't even in control anymore. If he didn't have that...Tasuki wouldn't be left with much else. He raised one hand to cross his chest and rest on the juncture of his shoulder and neck. The other hand crossed his torso to rest on one hip. He held himself for a few moments, trying to regain control. It was in this position that Suboshi found him, a little later.

"What are you doing? Having regrets?" He asked, peeping in from the door that hung slightly ajar. A small smirk was on his face, he smiling at having caught an enemy at a weak moment.

Tasuki relaxed from the tense pose, glaring over his shoulder at the young teenager. "Just stretching," he supplied. His feet hit the floor with barely sound. He crossed the room in a few short strides.

"Is breaking things a common morning activity for you?" Suboshi asked, eyeing the remains of the vase skeptically. 

"Maybe. I suppose there's only one real way to find out." Tasuki grabbed the younger man's hand, grinning suggestively. He watched him yank his hand and back away from him in disgust. 

"You're gross. I don't care what Nakago does. You're disgusting. You make me sick." Suboshi glared venomously at Tasuki. He held the hand that had been taken like it had been burned.

"All this, coming from a fifteen-year-old child killer. I suppose I've reached an all time low, this time. " Tasuki laughed mirthlessly. Suboshi's face seemed to crumble a bit, before he walked briskly away. Tasuki couldn't help but feel a little let down that he wasn't more of a fight. 

Stepping away from the door and closing it behind him, Tasuki wasn't sure why he had done that at all. He'd known the kid would reject him--not that he wanted him anyway--but he'd also known the reaction he would have. And all that other stuff he'd said, and the look on Suboshi's face...Tasuki smiled to himself. What could he say? It felt good to break things.

That day, Tasuki managed to keep himself busy, although it wasn't easy. Not many people trusted the Konan Traitor, either in his native country or in Kutou. If he were to come out of this alive, which he seriously doubted, he'd have to move to Sairou just to be in peace. He ruined everything for himself in one impulsive move. And it wasn't as if he didn't have regrets about it now, but what was done was done. 

Tasuki snorted. His mother had always said that, when he had done something stupid and she was too tired to beat him for it. When she did have enough energy, it was the greatest fear in Tasuki's young life to see his mother rumbling down the path to his usual hiding spot, which wasn't as hidden as he thought. But that was a long, long time ago. It was funny how things you thought you had forgotten...had made yourself forget...resurfaced at the oddest times? The last thing he needed was to be reminded of his original family.

Why couldn't he remember Kouji and the happier times at moments like these? Why couldn't he flashback to the time when Kouji had thrown him into the deep pond a few miles from base, trying to teach him how to swim? Sink or swim, he'd said. I've already thrown you in there and I'm not going in to save you. What's done is done. Now you try to fix it.

Of course, Tasuki had been furious and terrified when he'd finally made it to the shallower part of the water. Kouji had had to come for him, after all. He'd vowed he wouldn't speak to Kouji ever again. The older boy had been contrite, naturally, when he realized his mistake. He ended up trading one of his favorite daggers for Tasuki's forgiveness, and even then, Tasuki had trouble liking him again. This happened when he was fourteen.

Tasuki had never trusted Kouji again, completely, around water. No matter how many times he'd apologized, he couldn't take it back. He couldn't remove the sense of betrayal...

__

You were supposed to be our friend, you bastard! Tamahome. He'd growled that out as he was taking a wild swing at Tasuki.

I was your friend, Tasuki answered the voice in his head. I was and you were mine.

But that wasn't enough. It's never enough.

Tasuki squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe their voices would stop ringing in his head; their accusing eyes, one day, would stop staring. One day... At least...at least, Tasuki told himself, one pair of eyes had never--would never--look at him that way.

Good bye, Nuriko. From the deepest part of him Tasuki ached as he said the words. 

++

They arrived just in time to see him fall. Tasuki remembered that with vivid, aching clarity, from the jaunty little figures embroidered on the hem of his overcoat, to the swimmy blue-green color that filled his vision after he'd stared at the snow too long. He could a hear a bird in the distance, and a snow rabbit beat a hasty retreat as they approached. Small things.

A gush of warm blood had partially melted the snow beside him, turning it a deep, deep crimson. The contrast between the colors was amazing, Tasuki remembered thinking. His mind had already started denying what his eyes clearly saw. The seven of them dropped to their knees around the dying man.

Chiriko was crying, great big gasping sobs. He remembered begging Mitsukake. Do something, anything! You're a doctor aren't you? Well, fix him! By that time, tears were falling from his own eyes. The large man had just looked away. Chiriko had just paused in his sobbing and Tasuki quit babbling just long enough to hear Nuriko pull one last labored breath before releasing it, and a moderate trickle of blood. In death, a small smile still seemed to hover gently on his lips, and his eyes were closed as though he was content. It was deceiving, was all Tasuki could think. 

Miaka flew apart all at once, gibbering and talking to the corpse as though it weren't dead. She had a hysterical gleam in her eye that Tasuki seemed to reflect perfectly. Tamahome turned on them both like he wanted to slap them. Miaka ran off before he had the chance, not that he would hit his one and only. The six men could hear her crying in the woods not far from them. 

"Why did you let him go?!" Tasuki screamed at Tamahome, who continued towards him. Tasuki squeezed his eyes shut and worked clenching and unclenching his fists at his side. Tamahome slowly embraced him; he knew Tasuki and Nuriko had been close. 

"Why?!" He sobbed in Tamahome's ear. "This is all your fault!" The heads of the four other men lifted and suddenly listened to the conversation. Tasuki shoved the other man away. 

"What are you going to now, oh fearless leader? What, now that everything's beginning to fall apart? It doesn't seem so easy now, does it? It's not some fairy-tale anymore! Nuriko..." The five Suzaku warriors looked on in anguish and sympathy as Tasuki broke down, sobbing and seeming to curl in on himself. Tamahome failed to hold back his own tears. Not quite sure what to do with himself, he ran into the forest after Miaka. The others gazed upon the once beautiful man, hoping, perhaps, that their tears could bring him back. Like so much of their quest so far, that failed as well.


	2. Sairou

Same Warnings and disclaimers apply.

++

Part 2--Sairou

++

Sairou. A beautiful emerald city, placed in the heart of an oasis and vast deserts stretching as far as the eye could see. It was rumored the endless sky and sea of sand could drive a man mad, on its own. After a month of hard traveling, Tasuki was inclined to believe it. Almost three months before, Nakago had told the tent leaders that they were moving out. A journey across the sea on three rickety wooden boats and then the desert...it made Tasuki want to pull out his hair. If someone else didn't go crazy here pretty soon, he'd have to, just to alleviate the boredom. 

For three, long, agonizing months he'd only had Suboshi to amuse him, which wasn't much. If he wasn't dripping over Yui, he was finding new ways to annoy him. And Yui! He couldn't melt that ice with his tessen if he wanted to. He personally couldn't believe Miaka could ever have been friends with her, and if Suboshi weren't a murdering, annoying bastard, he probably could have done better. Tasuki snorted. 

These days it was easier just to forget everything that had happened. He kept fairly busy with just general work around the camp, and occasionally they would be mistaken for an unarmed traveling caravan, letting Tasuki get a little exercise. No honor between bandits, sorry pals. 

This was all well and good during the day, but the nights he spent with Nakago and by himself were hell. Now that he'd gotten everything he'd wanted from Tasuki, he was just another body to screw and another soldier for the Kutou army. A high-ranking soldier, but soldier nonetheless. Tasuki hadn't honestly hoped or expected anything better from the blond general. He'd earned the scorn from his fellow officers not only for being from Konan, but also for the nasty reputation he'd been given by "associating" with Nakago. Tasuki didn't have a problem with either of these things. More hatred meant more fights meant more fun. And if he closed his eyes or pictured someone else, the sex wasn't bad, albeit a little rough.

"You, there." A small voice called out to him. Ignoring it, Tasuki continued on his way. He wasn't in the mood to beat someone up. "You! Fetch me a glass of water!" On the other hand...he turned briskly. Standing a little ways away from him was Yui, priestess of Seiryu. He stared at her coldly.

"Get me a glass of water." Her imperious tone was enough to make Tasuki want to slap her. But he feared what Nakago would do to him if he did so. Tasuki smirked. He would try not to hurt her to much, then. Tasuki stalked up to her and grabbed her wrist as she tried to retreat. 

"Listen to me." She jerked once hard against his grip, but Tasuki was a lot stronger than he looked. "I may be part of this army now, but I want you to remember, I was one of the Suzaku Seven and my home is in Konan." Yui glared hatefully at the mention of her enemies.

"What are you doing here, then?" She spat out.

"That's my business." Tasuki tightened his hold on her, grinding the fragile bones of her wrist together. "I don't owe you anything. I could care less why you're here or what you're doing. I don't want to protect you. I don't care if Seiryu is summoned, and since that is your only purpose, I suppose that makes me a little dangerous to you. So watch how you talk to me." He flung her hand away from him and walked away. He could see her out of his peripheral vision, rubbing her wrist and scowling after him. Tasuki was no one's--especially some little woman who mistakenly thought she was important--lap dog. She'd remember it next time. 

That night he spent with Nakago, or rather, Nakago spent with him. The man preferred not to bring anyone into his quarters if he could help it. He also didn't like to stay very long once he was done. Tonight, Tasuki was surprised when Nakago didn't immediately begin to dress after rolling off of him. Instead, he settled in next to him on the wide pallet. Tasuki stared at him bemusedly. 

"Your priestess was here." Nakago said with no inflection in his deep voice, as concise as ever. Tasuki stiffened beside him. He had no idea what this meant. Miaka...He hadn't thought of her in a while. He couldn't. If Nakago had done anything to her...

What was he going to do? Nothing. There was nothing he could do.

"Would you like to know why?" Nakago was smirking at Tasuki's bland expression that was obviously forced. "She came to see me for the same reason you did, a few months ago. Perhaps she was lonely. Or she finally lost interest in Tamahome. Whatever the reason..." He trailed off. He had made himself pretty clear.

"Why are you telling me this?" Tasuki finally said. He was shaking with the effort it took to restrain his rage and disgust. Nakago laughed in a mirthless way. He lifted himself up on one elbow.

"Because," he said, "I thought you might be interested." Nakago looked down at Tasuki with cold, smiling eyes. "And also," Nakago reached out for the smaller man. "I like to see you squirm." 

Tasuki's eyes widened and he tried to pull away. He didn't like the look in Nakago's eyes. He'd seen it before, a few days ago, when a couple of soldiers had committed some indiscretion...Tasuki couldn't remember what it was...but every time the soldiers looked at their stumps of arms, they certainly would. Tasuki shuddered.

"Scared, are you?" Nakago loomed over him. "That's good. So was your priestess." His hand reached up and grasped his face roughly. "You're so much more beautiful when you're scared." 

This time, Nakago wouldn't just let him close his eyes and picture someone else.

++

It was six months ago, it seemed like forever. Hadn't it always been this way? Their arrival in Hokkan, the discovery of the enemy camp...why did it seem so long ago? So much had happened between that time and now. Tasuki remembered. Sometimes it was good to remember what had gotten you to the lowest point in your life.

Stepping off the boat and back onto land was like returning into a missed lover's embrace. He didn't think they would ever get to Hokkan. Tasuki would have fallen to the ground and kissed it if it hadn't been covered with mud, ice and snow. He could've cried with relief.

Everyone around him was chatted eagerly, making small talk as they removed their baggage from the ship. They bustled past and missed his profoundly grateful expression.

"Tasuki, are you alright? Do you need help with your baggage?" Chiriko piped from somewhere behind him. 

"Ah, no. Just admiring the landscape. Too long on that damn ship, you know?" Tasuki stretched largely to illustrate his point. "It was so cramped in there." 

Chiriko smiled. Sometimes, Tasuki's rough language still made him blush. The long trip on the boat had improved their friendship a little, but Tasuki still enjoyed making teasing the young man. 

"How long do you think we'll be here?" Tasuki asked. Chiriko shrugged.

"There's no telling. The shinzaho might still be weeks away." 

"I don't think I would mind staying here for a while." Tasuki cast a hopeful glance at the high mountain peaks. "Reminds me of home, just a bit."

"You were born in the mountains, weren't you, Tasuki?" Chiriko fixed him with a questioning glance. Tasuki nodded affirmatively. 

"How wonderful it must have been..." Chiriko looked to the mountains himself. "Sometimes I wish I could've grown up in a place like this, like you." 

"It wasn't always fun." When the younger of the two gave him a look he laughed. "Well, every now and then it wasn't." 

"Are you guys ready to go yet?" Tamahome sauntered by, carrying several large bags. "We'll have to find an inn or something, quick." He shouldered one of the bags and overbalanced. Tasuki couldn't help laughing aloud as he toppled over.

"Just come on." He grumbled and picked up the luggage. 

The inn was quite a ways away, after all, and Tasuki was glad he had traveled light. Poor Tamahome was almost dead by the time they arrived. Miaka looked hungry enough to eat one of them. Tasuki, however, was still full of energy, even though he had practically ran the whole way. After they had checked in and he had put his baggage in his room, he left to go for a walk. Everyone else had refused to go with him, and secretly he was glad. He needed time to himself after spending so much time in close quarters with those people.

Being outside in the trees and snow filled Tasuki with a sense of euphoria. His loud laughed filled the still air. A couple passed him along the dark road, staring the whole time. He just smiled, baring his fangs, assuring and warning them at the same time.

Before he knew it, he was far outside the town limits. In the distance, he could hear sounds--people yelling, heavy equipment colliding with more heavy equipment. Curious, Tasuki decided to check it out, he had his tessen with him if there should be trouble. 

About half a mile down the road, a camp was being erected. The only light cast upon the scene was from a few lanterns hanging on poles. It was vague enough that he couldn't quite make out just who these people were. He stood a few yards from the camp and continued to watch men work hoisting poles and pitching tents for a few minutes. 

Tasuki heard the scuff of feet through snow a second too late. "What do you suppose we have here?" Rough hands grabbed him from behind and swung him around. Two guards stood there, smiling in the self-satisfied way people do when they've fulfilled their purpose. Tasuki immediately recognized the crest on their helmets. They were Kutou! They'd followed them!

"Wait a second, don't you recognize him? He's of the Suzaku Seven!" By now, the noise they were making had attracted a small crowd. Tasuki wasn't going to get out of this one very easily. He silently berated himself.

"Get him to the General." Tasuki was ushered through the camp to a large, blue tent, cursing and yelling the whole entire way. When a tall, blonde man emerged from the tent Tasuki closed his mouth. More than anything, this man terrified him. Tasuki was forced to kneel as Nakago approached. 

"Ah, Tasuki." Nakago said, recognizing the other man. "How are you? I see you recovered nicely from Tamahome's beating." Tasuki glared up at the man and snarled. Nakago took Tasuki's chin and turned his face this way and that.

"Don't touch me!" Tasuki tried to pull away, but the guards held him fast. 

"Nice. Very exotic." Nakago released him and turned away. "So you and your priestess have made it this far north. I can't say I'm really surprised, considering what a persistent bunch you are." 

"What do you want?" Tasuki asked, his mind flooded with gruesome images.

"What do you want me to do to you, Tasuki?" Nakago turned to face him again, but because of his position, Tasuki's face reached only to his navel. He signaled the guards to let him up. They still held their holds on his arms, though. Without giving him much warning, Nakago retook his face and kissed him. Tasuki was too shocked to do much but stare.

Who was this man? Had he no shame? His men were standing right there! The man's power hit Tasuki like a punch in the face. He didn't care what people thought of him, he had no humility or shame, because who would challenge him? He could easily blow away anyone who said anything. Tasuki's fear of the General increased three-fold. 

As Nakago pulled away, he could see the guards on either side of him cringing and or hiding their faces. None of them approved, but none of them would dare say anything. What strength...Tasuki thought. His mouth hung slightly agape.

"Let him go." Nakago said, moving to return to his tent. The guards let their grip slacken obediently. "Let Suzaku come." His voice rose with the challenge. The same men who had turned away now gazed upon him proudly. To be able to control them like that...! Tasuki's mind marveled even as he flew from the camp. He'd known that Nakago was a man not to be trifled with...but he'd underestimated him. Wildly underestimated him. 

The question he was faced with now, was whether or not he should tell the others. On one hand it was integral for Tamahome to know...they could plan better and be more alert if they knew there was danger nearby. On the other, the camp obviously hadn't been prepared for attack. They probably weren't planning anything overt. Why let them worry unnecessarily? 

The pros outweighed the cons. He had to tell Tamahome. Tasuki couldn't knowingly endanger his friends. By the time he returned to the inn, everyone was already asleep, or so he thought. He decided to wait until morning to impart with his news, everyone was so tired, it seemed too much of a hassle to wake everyone up. Tasuki returned to the room he shared with Chiriko for the time. When he entered, the young man was propped up in his bed reading. 

"What's wrong?" He asked, taking in Tasuki's stricken expression. With wild eyes and panting breaths, he outlined the story for him, carefully leaving out the humiliating kiss. Chiriko didn't need to hear that. 

"That is a problem...but you're right, if they were going to attack us, they would have done it already." The sandy-haired boy rested his head on his knees. "It doesn't seem like there's much we can do. Nakago and Kutou are just too powerful. It's just a race, now." 

Tasuki nodded. He certainly didn't want to go head to head with Nakago. "I don't know about you, kid, but that guy scares me." Chiriko fixed him with a surprised look.

"He scares all of us, I think." It wasn't like the older man to admit such things, seeing Tasuki so vulnerable shook Chiriko a little bit. "Are you alright?" He asked, moving closer to Tasuki where he sat on the foot of his bed. The other man ran a shaky hand through his hair.

"I'm not sure, kid." Tasuki focused on something on the floor. "I've never been that scared in all my life, not even when I ran away from home..." 

"Tasuki..." Chiriko placed a hand over Tasuki's where it lay twisted in the bed sheets. They stayed like that for a few moments, until Tasuki suddenly jumped up from the bed.

"I'm alright. I got away, didn't I?" He smiled hugely and started rummaging through his baggage. Chiriko was still concerned. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked. Tasuki didn't look up from what he was doing.

"Fine. Are you almost ready to go to bed?" Tasuki said, briskly changing the subject. 

"Yes," he returned. Tasuki didn't meet his eyes as he lay down in his bed and extinguished the lamp. 

"Good night, Chiriko," Tasuki said quietly.

"Good night." Chiriko was sure that his friend wasn't alright. Something had happened that he wasn't telling him. He didn't seem to be injured physically. Chiriko sighed into the darkness. He hated being so much younger than everyone else sometimes. No one ever told him anything. Sighing once more, Chiriko settled down in the uncomfortable pallet to sleep. It was a long ways off for both of them. Tasuki wasn't aware of when he had finally fallen asleep. It couldn't have been that much later that Miaka burst into his room.

"Are you ever going to wake up? Tasuki?" Miaka chimed from the doorway of their room. She was pleasantly surprised that she wasn't the last one up like always. A shock of red hair sprouting from the sheets was all she could see of the man; he was so burrowed into bedding. At her insistent voice he rolled over, still asleep.

"Maybe you should let him sleep a bit longer, Miaka. We all need to talk downstairs." Chiriko stood behind her in the hallway, his arms tucked into his sleeves. 

"Why? What happened?" The girl cast a concerned look at the bed. 

"I'll tell everyone when we get downstairs." Chiriko smiled politely. 

"Okay..." Closing the door after her, Miaka headed for the common room downstairs.

Awakened by the noise, Tasuki slowly returned to the land of the living. He took a deep breath and stretched. So he'd lived through the night, had he? Half of him honestly hadn't expected to. He had felt cursed, there in the dark. A kiss of death had been bestowed upon him--surely he would never see the light of day again. Tasuki chuckled, his voice still roughened from sleep. In the daylight time it was easier to forget about his troubles...he couldn't dream when he was awake.

His room was far enough away from the main part of the building that he could only hear the murmur of voices and the occasional raucous laugh. To his left there was a small window. When the sun emerged from behind the clouds, bounced off the snow and filled the room with wan light. He could have kissed Chiriko for letting him sleep in and not face the frantic questions of his teammates. 

Tasuki's muscles screamed as he rose out of bed. He hadn't ran like that in a few months. He was still wearing the clothes he put on yesterday, which were covered in dried mud. More than anything, Tasuki needed a bath. He was getting up to inquire where the bath house was when six people tried to enter through the three-foot-wide doorway at once.

"Are you alright? I was so worried for you! Chiriko told us what happened!" Everyone seemed to be talking at once. For several moments the room was filled with a rush of noise and probing questions.

"HEY! Where's the bath-house?" Tasuki yelled. The voices halted at once.

"Just to the left of the building." Tamahome answered.

"Thank you." Tasuki grabbed a change of clothes and shoved through his friends. 

"Let me come with you." Tamahome asked. Tasuki gave him a tired look.

"Fine..." The two men descended the stairs. The five people left behind exchanged confused glances. 

"Does he seem alright to you?" Among them, they passed doubtful glances.

++

Will I ever be happy again?

No. You lost that privilege long, long ago. No one wants to make you happy anymore. You don't deserve to be happy. His actions had led Miaka to...Tasuki never would have guessed it would have turned out this way. Had he, he would have done so many things differently...he never would have joined Miaka at all. He was never meant for a life other than that of a common criminal. 

The colors of Tasuki's world had seemed to fade. It had been a week since Miaka was in the Seiryu camp. His daily struggle had gotten that much harder. Now it was a trial just getting out of bed at all. What was the point? He didn't have much longer, anyway. His days, now, were spent waiting out for the end. There had to be an end. Please, Suzaku, let there be an end. Oh, yes. Suzaku wouldn't listen to him anymore...

Out of the corner of his eye, Tasuki saw Suboshi stumble towards Nakago's tent. Tasuki vaguely remembered him leaving late last night--he'd stirred up so much attention, yelling and screaming about his brother. No one, not even Nakago was able to stop him from leaving. Tasuki had watched Suboshi stand up to the cruel, heartless man with out batting an eyelash. Even a child-murdering psycho was stronger than he was. But what did that matter?

An hour passed before the screams started echoing throughout the camp. Suboshi's tortured voice rang from every surface. Tasuki was surprised to find he was sympathetic. A wry laugh filled him. After everything that had happened, he could still care for that kid? The irony was beautiful. 

As he neared Nakago's tent, the sound of a whip cracking against youthful flesh was more apparent. Tasuki wished he could curl up and block the sound out, but there was no escaping a something like that. Suboshi's agony had to be heard. To block it out would be an injustice to him. Tasuki wished he could cry for him.

The screams stopped. Whether it was because Suboshi passed out or his voice finally gave out, Tasuki wasn't sure. Several minutes passed before two guards emerged from the tent carrying the battered young man. Tasuki's stomach turned over as he took in his flayed back. What had the boy done to deserve that?

Tasuki knew the answer. He'd challenged Nakago in front of his men. He showed them it could be done. Nakago showed them it had consequences. Suboshi was just another example. He watched the guards return him to his room. After they had come out, Tasuki slipped in.

For a moment, he was able to forget his own problems, and tend to another human being. The whole ordeal hadn't quite robbed him of all his humanity, yet. He could still pity the boy, could still care for him, even after all he'd done to him and his friends. Tasuki winced. For the other Suzaku warriors, then. 

If he was feeling queasy earlier, Tasuki could surely wretch now. If there was a square inch on Suboshi's back that wouldn't be scarred, he'd be genuinely surprised. He covered his mouth, to stop from screaming, to stop the curses that were itching to get out. If he was going to help the young man, it would probably be best if Suboshi was unconscious.

There was a basin of water sitting on a table. After a few moments searching, Tasuki turned up enough clean linen. He sat on the edge of the bed and tried to clean the blood off of the wounds. 

There were places where the blood had already dried and the remnants of Suboshi's clothing were stuck in the wound. The boy would whimper in his sleep when Tasuki pulled it away. He hated to cause the boy any more pain, he'd been through so much already. He was wrapping the wounds when Suboshi finally woke up.

"What are you doing?" His voice was faint, barely a whisper. If Tasuki hadn't had such good hearing, he would not have caught it. Suboshi tried to lift himself up but Tasuki restrained him.

"Don't. You'll just make it worse." Suboshi fell silent, letting Tasuki do as he pleased with him. Tasuki lifted the young man's torso to continue wrapping. He almost dropped him when he noticed Suboshi was crying.

"I'm sorry about that," Tasuki carefully lowered him back on the pallet. 

"Why?" Suboshi choked out. His hands tightened into impotent fists beside him. 

"Because, you needed my help." Suboshi gazed up at him from the pallet. Tasuki watched something break inside the smaller man as he collapsed into tears. Looking down at him, he realized he couldn't leave now. Tasuki placed one hand on the boy's head and smoothed his hair as the story came out.

Suboshi had felt his twin, Amiboshi. He was in pain, he said. Suboshi didn't even think about defying Nakago and rushed off to help him. When he'd gotten there, Suboshi said, Tomo and Tasuki's priestess had been there as well. Tomo had been about to kill Amiboshi, the other twin sobbed out. What was he supposed to do? If he'd let him die, it'd be like killing himself. After Amiboshi took the herb to erase his memory, Suboshi had left him in the care of an old couple his brother was familiar with. Suboshi would probably never see him again.

Tasuki stayed with him, even after his cries had quieted. It was funny, he thought. He'd always considered Kutou the enemy, even after he joined them. He'd become the bad guy then. But wasn't it possible they saw Konan in the same way? Wasn't it true that people on both sides were suffering? It seemed so stupid, now. They were all useless. What they were doing was useless. Nobody really needed people like him, Suboshi, or Nakago. What were they fighting for?

He let Suboshi's head rest on the pillow. While he was sitting there, his leg had fallen asleep, and it was awkward when he rose to get up. Tasuki brushed Suboshi's hair out of his eyes once more before he turned to leave. As he pulled away, a hand latched on to his wrist.

"Don't go." Suboshi said weakly. "Stay with me. Just for tonight, be my brother." Tasuki's expression softened. Why not? The comfort of another's presence, a warm, living body next to him...it'd been so long since he'd been comforted...

He gently moved Suboshi and made room for himself. As he settled into the uncomfortable bed, Suboshi reached out and intertwined his fingers with Tasuki's. Laying at an angle with his head resting on Tasuki's shoulder, Suboshi was drifted into a deep sleep. Tasuki found the young man's presence soothing, and was finally able to sleep for the first time in days. For once, his dreams were pleasant.

++

He'd spent two weeks deliberating, and here he finally was. Since their arrival in Hokkan, Tasuki hadn't been able to focus on much of anything. His mind kept returning to the Seiryu camp and his unfortunate run-in there--to the forbidden kiss and all the unspoken promises held therein. Nakago's eyes had reflected ice, but his body told of greater things to come.

Maybe if Tasuki hadn't been celibate since leaving Mount Reikaku things would have turned out differently, but it still wasn't just lust that had called him to Nakago. The power the man contained, displayed every time the man moved, every time he spoke...that's what made the largest impact on him. Oh, the things this man could do for him! His mind would whisper as he laid down to sleep. He'd repress it, shove it to the back of his thoughts, but as the cold days dragged on, it had gotten harder and harder. Eventually, he found himself pulled hopelessly to the camp just outside of town. 

Almost immediately after stepping into the camp, it lost some of its mysticism. Was this really the place where all of his wishes could be fulfilled? After watching two soldiers kill each other around a camp fire, Tasuki was less than sure. He stepped lightly around one of the tents--he did not wish to be caught by one of these men. Still, he wasn't the best at stealth. Tasuki was surprised he hadn't been caught already. 

He found what he was looking for rather quickly. The big blue tent, flying a banner of Seiryu. Just inside of there, he told himself, he'd find what he was looking for. Tasuki couldn't say what it was, exactly, he was looking for, but these past months he'd known something was missing. Watching Tamahome and Miaka grow ever closer, he'd been filled with jealousy. For a long time Tasuki hadn't known what the emotion was, the way his chest tightened when they hugged, the rage he'd feel when he happened upon them kissing. He wanted what they had so badly. Why couldn't someone love him like that?

But could Nakago give him that? That kind of love? Tasuki was doubtful, but he had to try. He'd never missed an opportunity, and under any other circumstances, he wouldn't even have dreamed of turning Nakago down. Even if it was for one night...wasn't that better than what he had now? 

When Tasuki entered the tent, he found Nakago sitting at a table, reading. The semi-domestic tableau struck Tasuki as outrageous. Surely a man as omnipotent as Nakago preferred to put babies on spikes, rather than read in his spare time. The man didn't even look up as he entered.

"You're late." Nakago said, snapping his book shut. "I expected you a week earlier. You are stronger than I thought." 

Tasuki wasn't surprised that he was expected. Manipulating people was Nakago's other past time. He was surprised, however, to hear that Nakago had underestimated him. The direct insult to his willpower sent him boiling below the surface. How much of his anger was self-directed, though, Tasuki couldn't tell. If he was a stronger person, he wouldn't be here at all.

"Wine?" Nakago offered, finally turning to look at his guest. He poured a moderate amount of the red liquid into a glass and held it out, waiting for Tasuki to take it.

Tasuki noticed Nakago didn't pour himself any wine. Accepting the glass anyway, he stared suspiciously into the red depths. Finally he shrugged and chugged the glass. He didn't have much to lose, anyway.

"Brave man," Nakago said appreciatively, leaning back in his chair. Tasuki wasn't sure whether to be upset or pleased. "Please, sit down." Glancing around, Tasuki found another chair behind him. 

"What can I do for you, Tasuki?" The look on Nakago's face showed he clearly knew what he could do for him, but he delighted in making Tasuki say it. 

"I don't know. That's what I'm here to find out." Tasuki answered, meeting the other man in the eye.

"I'm a very powerful man. I can provide you with many things." Tasuki wanted to laugh. He hadn't doubted Nakago could. The question was, what would he want in return?

"I know." Tasuki said. "What would you get out of all of this?" 

"Now, now, you haven't even named a price yet." Nakago smiled in that cold way of his. "I assume you're looking for something your teammates can't give you." 

But was it something he was willing to sell his soul for? Yes. All his life he'd been looking for somewhere...someone...He'd thought when the Suzaku Seven had finally come for him his search was over. It the past few months, he found he still continued to search. Was he stupid to think that Nakago could be the one he was looking for? 

Tasuki knew the answer to that question, at least. But he also knew he'd been to Konan, he'd been with the Suzaku Seven. There was nothing there for him. Nothing but friendships unfulfilled...It was time to start down a new road.

"I think we both know what I'm here for, Nakago." Tasuki finally said. 

The man lifted himself out of his chair, slow deliberate movements. Tasuki doubted he could move any other way--secret meanings dripping from him every time he flicked his wrist. "Why don't you just say it, anyway?" Nakago said, leaning over the table, his eyes leveled with Tasuki's. He remained stubbornly silent.

"Have it your way," Nakago said. "Come over here and maybe we can work something out."

Tasuki crossed the room. And moving as he did, he couldn't help looking back.


	3. Conclusion

Same warnings and disclaimers apply

++

Part 3-Conclusion

++

"That's as dishonest as lying, and I won't let you do it!" 

"But Miaka, you must understand! We have no force big enough to combat Kutou! We need his help!" Hotohori stated firmly. "In this time of war, we need all the help we can get..."

"But...Not telling him about Tasuki! Kouji will be crushed when he finds out! What if he changes sides?" Miaka wrapped her slim arms about herself. 

"We have to take that chance! Don't you see? Without his men, we don't even stand a fighting chance!" His expression softened. "It's a horrible thing to do, I know. We just have to hope his love for his country outweighs his love for his friend."

Even though her eyes were squeezed shut, Miaka was still crying. "Send the messenger then!" She turned away. "Why did it have to come to this? War was something I studied in school, read in books! How could things have escalated this quickly?" Hotohori longed to comfort her, but now was not the time.

"Please be strong for just a little longer, Miaka. One way or another, this will be ending soon."

With a nod to his advisor, a messenger was brought to receive and send a message, a message calling all of Konan to prepare for war...it wouldn't be safe on the street for women and children anymore.

Another messenger was sent tens of miles away, to Mount Reikaku, requesting Kouji's help. He arrived, dirty and haggard, three days later.

Kouji glared in concentration as he stumbled through the message. He hadn't had to read for a long, long time, and his skills had never been that good, anyway. He silently mouthed the words as he read. The man had found him in the room that never really felt like his, where he basically exercised his authority. The only chair in the room was occupied by himself, leaving the tired man to stand painfully. 

"The emperor wishes me to fight for him." Kouji stated. The messenger nodded, once. Kouji finally looked the man over. He was covered in mud and dust at least an inch thick, and seemed to be sagging in his skin. It hadn't been easy finding a hideout of bandits, even with Hotohori's help.

"Why don't you go and get something to eat?" He asked, dismissing the soldier, not remembering to have someone show him around. Kouji was a horrible host.

Sighing, he tried to read the letter again. Why hadn't Genroh written it? It would seem logical...it wasn't like he often received correspondence from the Emperor of Konan. Kouji shrugged. Maybe they wanted it to be more official, or something.

The letter requested the help of him and his men, calling them to the borderlands of Kutou. Of course he would go, after all, any friend of Genroh's was a friend of his, but he still had trouble believing they were at war. Kutou had never been a friendly nation, of course, but war! It seemed so sudden. In the end, Kouji decided that war politics had never been his thing. He was more concerned with the mechanics, personally.

He'd leave Touma in charge while he was gone. He'd be taking maybe eighty-five percent of their forces. Kouji hated to leave them so unprotected. But of course, he wouldn't have to worry about the authority laying siege to the place; it was the emperor himself who'd sent for him. The only trouble they might have would be from a neighboring band of bandits. Kouji had to hope the natural rocky walls of the fort would be enough to fend off an attack until he got back.

Kouji sighed and leaned back in his chair. It creaked warningly in response to his weight. It was uncomfortable, just like everything else in the room. He hadn't realized how hard it would be, replacing the leader, or Genroh. There was so much he had to think about: food, clean water, and the general welfare of his men weren't something he ever had to worry about before, they'd always just been things that were _there_.

If Genroh were to come back right now and demand he hand over things to him, Kouji wouldn't protest. He was _tired_, mentally, physically, every way one could think of. He couldn't ever remember feeling like this.

Kouji rubbed his eyes and sighed. The place where the emperor asked him to come was nearly a hundred leagues from there, a week, maybe two weeks traveling at a grueling pace, with that many men in tow. And it would take some time to round up all the supplies and choose who was going and who was staying. The soonest he could get there would be three weeks, but he wouldn't be able to say how ready they'd be. Most of his men, he wasn't proud to admit, were just in the business for glory, fame, and fortune. A real battle, not just some skirmish with a couple of barely armed guards, would probably have most of them running.

Kouji laughed a little to himself. He was being a bit of a hypocrite. He'd never been in a real battle either, and it certainly wasn't the amazing living conditions that had attracted him in the first place. He wondered what had made Genroh join...

He shook himself before he got too deep in reverie. He would be seeing him soon, after all. Right now he needed to concentrate on getting ready to leave. The sense of urgency expressed in the letter made Kouji a bit nervous.

Not long now, something inside of him whispered. Not long...Until what? Kouji still couldn't shake the feeling of foreboding that everything seemed steeped in. Why did he feel like something bad was going to happen...? For a second, the ledgers in front of him he was futilely trying to study blurred.

Genroh...please be alright, he prayed, hoping that where ever the other man was he heard him.

++

He was asleep now, finally. He'd spent so many hours just talking about nothing in particular. Kouji had started to notice how his eyelids drooped and how he seemed to be boneless around the same time Tasuki started dropping off mid-sentence.

It was a beautiful summer night, the storm that had been raging for days had just broken. The air was filled with the scent of damp earth and rain. They were laying on the roof of the fort, watching the clouds recede into the darkening night sky. The stars were at their most beautiful, most vibrant, after a storm, Kouji thought, like they were trying to prove something by shining triumphantly.

His vision shifted to the younger man lying next to him. Just like the stars, he was beautiful and vibrant, but he didn't fade during the daylight...

The wind suddenly picked up, caressing skin with a moist kiss and toying with Tasuki's fiery hair. Kouji felt an empty kind of jealously run through him, for who could truly blame the wind?

"Genroh...Tasuki." Kouji said softly, hoping not to wake him. He rarely used that name, except when he was sleeping. It was such a personal thing, and he liked the feel of it on his lips. Unfortunately, it was the only thing of Tasuki's that was allowed on his lips. 

Maybe it wouldn't have to be so, a part of him whispered, but he knew it was lying. Kouji didn't think he could ever be more than a best friend to Tasuki, and truly that was fine, even if he wasn't satisfied. He'd known to many people, seen it happen to many times, a secret is finally told and the friendship crumbles for it. He wouldn't risk it...he couldn't....

In the end, Kouji was just a coward. Because no one could ever measure up; he'd never...he'd never love someone the way he loved the man next to him. He was afraid of rejection, and so he'd always be alone. Not entirely, he told himself. His friendship had to be worth something. It _had _to be, or else, what was the point of going on anymore? Life was a quest for happiness, if the only way he could be happy was with Tasuki, then this would have to suffice.

And if it couldn't...? Kouji wouldn't let himself travel down that road. There was always a chance, no matter how bleak it seemed. He would never give up hope. It never rains everyday, his father used to say, before he died. 

Tasuki mumbled something and inched closer to Kouji, unconsciously nuzzling his thigh. Kouji smiled and ran a hand through Tasuki's wild, soft hair. Why not tempt fate a little? Tasuki smiled in his sleep.

Looking up, Kouji realized that the horizon had finally cleared. He could see the miles of dark forest stretched out before him. 

"Kouji..." Tasuki murmured softly. He was shocked for a moment, thinking the other man had woke up. Glancing down, however, he realized he was still quite asleep. Kouji replaced his hand on Tasuki's head. At least, he was in his thoughts...his dreams.

"Sweet dreams," Kouji said softly, lying back on the roof and covering the two of them with blankets. 

You were right, Father. He thought. It doesn't rain everyday...

++

"Isn't this splendid? My right and left hands have finally met." 

Tasuki woke with a start, accidentally jarring Suboshi from where he slept, making him whimper. The sneering voice was Nakago, he knew, but he didn't want to face him, especially first thing in the morning. Finally he just heaved a huge sigh and got up. 

Nakago stood in the "doorway" of Suboshi's tent, looking a little more than slightly miffed. Tasuki focused on a point somewhere beyond his shoulder and worked on controlling his expression. If Suboshi was awake, he gave no clues. 

"He was being punished. It was unnecessary for you to aid him." Nakago stated, eyeing the boy's bandages and wrappings.

Feeling a stroke of recklessness, Tasuki said, "If you wanted him to keep him as your left-hand man, it was." Nakago's eyes snapped back to him, expression unreadable. 

"Thanks to me, he _might_ be able to walk again, if he doesn't get a fever and die." Tasuki crossed his arms defiantly, feeling human for the first time in a long time. He didn't care what happened to him, indeed, he welcomed the end, and he was pissed.

"Are you challenging me?" Nakago asked quietly, pulling himself up to his full height and staring Tasuki down.

"And if I am? It's not my fault you are stupid enough to disable people who are a valuable resource to you." Tasuki raised his chin a fraction of inch, eyes sparkling hotly under tightly drawn brows. He watched as his statement pushed Nakago too far and his hand rose. 

"Are you sure you want to cut both of your hands off? Right now, we're the best you got." Nakago's hand lowered, and Tasuki released a breath he hadn't been aware of holding. He missed, however, Nakago's left hand reaching up and encircling his throat, lifting him a good six inches off the floor.

"Don't ever make the mistake of thinking that you're necessary. You are a toy that I simply have not decided to break, yet." He squeezed tightly to emphasize his point before dropping him in a heap on the ground. Tasuki gasped loudly for air.

"However, you are a tough little toy," Nakago stated cryptically before turning to leave. Before going, though, he said, "Make sure he doesn't die." Tasuki missed the swirl of his cape as he walked out, returning to whatever duties a crazy, sadistic general had.

He sat there on the ground for a while, massaging his bruised throat. Suboshi finally turned his head to face him.

"Thank you. For everything." He said, closing his eyes before he started crying again. "I wish I had never been born a Seiryu warrior." 

Tasuki couldn't help but notice the irony of the statement. "Your brother," he said, "he felt the same way." 

"Amiboshi," Suboshi muttered. 

"He'll be fine now. He's better off than both of us," Tasuki said, trying to comfort him. "There'll be war soon. You don't want him to caught up in that." 

For a long time Suboshi was silent. Tasuki went to work cleaning the wounds and replacing the bandages. 

"How do you feel about fighting your own country?" He finally asked. Tasuki rubbed his neck absently.

"I try not to." He looked away. "That's the best way." Suboshi seemed to understand, and didn't speak again. Tasuki continued taking care of him, and fed him when he was hungry. He didn't die.

Two weeks past, and Suboshi was able to walk around. That was fortunate, it was then that they started back for Kutou. Nakago had finally gotten the second shinzaho, Seiryu had been summoned. Tasuki tried not to think of his former teammates. He wished he could have been there to see all of it...

The trip was especially hard on Suboshi, but Tasuki was determined to keep him alive. He spent more time with the boy than he had spent with any other human being since Nuriko had died. 

Another month and Suboshi was completely healed, but he would always carry scars of what had happened, physically, and emotionally, as well. In Kutou, the land of his birth, Suboshi seemed a bit happier. Perhaps being so far separated from his twin, not being able to constantly feel his presence, helped.

Tasuki didn't know what to expect from the foreign country, had know idea what was going to happen to him now. The country had no need to gear up for war, they were already under marshal law, the army in a constant state of readiness. They only had to wait for their opponent to show. Tasuki could feel the tenseness in the air. He felt ostracized more than ever. 

Now that Kutou had the power of Seiryu, Tasuki had to wonder if Konan truly stood a chance. No doubt, there would be many lives lost. He almost hoped Konan wouldn't show up, would just surrender and be done with it. But he knew Hotohori, Miaka, and the rest, they would never give up, even if it was in their best interest. Another part of him couldn't wait for them to get here, just so it would all be over...Luckily, or unluckily, the wait wasn't long.

He was sitting in a room he claimed as his peeling apples when Suboshi came crashing in. They'd only arrived about three weeks ago. 

"It's starting. We can see them, they're coming!" Tasuki didn't have to ask what he meant. This was it, then. What he'd been waiting for...what everyone had been waiting for. Was it really happening? For some reason, it didn't seem real. He was really going to take arms against his mother country? He'd been avoiding thinking about it for a long time. Tasuki suddenly felt unprepared.

"What now? What now?" He whispered to himself.

"Huh?" Suboshi asked, not noticing Tasuki's stricken expression. "Aren't you coming?" 

"Give me a minute," Tasuki said. He wasn't ready, not ready...Please, could someone slow it down?

"Nakago wants us now!" Suboshi cried, dashing from the room. Tasuki's mind was still reeling. He was too far gone to convince himself that it was all just a dream.

Almost automatically he followed Suboshi out of the room and down the hall to where Nakago was waiting for them. The man was stunning in his military regalia, he must have looked just like Seiryu, Tasuki thought abstractly.

"Are you ready? I need to make sure everything is in order before I go before my troops." Nakago began, eyeing Tasuki. "Won't this be fun for you? To fight against your friends and family." He chuckled nastily.

"My family is dead. Or they should be." Tasuki replied, hating the pleasure Nakago was taking in this.

"Very well, then you won't mind killing your kinsmen. Suboshi, Tasuki, go."

They did, and left to get armed up, or rather, for Suboshi to get armed up and for Tasuki to watch. Tasuki had never worn armor into a battle or when he was a bandit, and he wasn't going to start now. Suboshi yammered on excitedly about the battle, not meaning to be callous but doing it anyway.

Everything passed in a whirl, he couldn't remember what Nakago had said to get the troops so riled up, only that he had. Tasuki had stood by while the general had spoken, seeing and hearing nothing. He had never been so at a loss before.

There was a horrible moment just as Konan troops arrived and he saw his former allies, looking tired and solemn, but not beaten. They looked about the amassed troops of Kutou like they still could win it, like there was actually a chance. Then it struck him. Where was Chiriko? Was it possible that he had stayed behind? No, he didn't think they would deny him a chance to fight for his country and his god.

He was dead, then. 

When? Where? Was this his fault, too? Chiriko...Chiriko was had been his best friend, throughout all of that. Tasuki's chest ached and his throat closed up. He was so overcome with grief he didn't notice the swords being drawn and the men taking off, running.

He would have liked to say good-bye.

"For Suzaku and the Priestess! Miaka!" The voices of his former kinsmen pierced through his haze, punctuated with the clash of steel on steel and flesh. The cries of the dying echoed through his head like banshees. He watched a man fall beside him, a deep gash separating his head from his neck. Tasuki looked away, only to be faced with an achingly familiar face.

"Tasuki." Tamahome said, his face betraying nothing. His eyes were colder than Tasuki ever remembered seeing them; he had to look away.

"Tamahome," Tasuki said to the ground.

"I had thought that you were smart enough to stay away from here. Although I am surprised to see you still alive." Tamahome growled.

"I missed you, too." Tasuki said, still not meeting his eyes, but laughing to himself. He missed the lightening quick action that brought Tamahome's dagger to his neck.

"How could I forget you, Tasuki? After all you've done for us?" Tamahome's face was close to his now, but he was yelling all the same. The pressure increased on the dagger and drew a fine line of blood as Tasuki took another breath. His vision still remained focused on something far past Tamahome's head.

"Well? Say something!" Tamahome demanded.

"What is there to say? If I said I was sorry, you'd only kill me." Tasuki answered.

"I'm beginning to think that's what you're looking for, Tasuki." He said. "Your presence here alone, tells me that." Tasuki stared at him, waiting.

"So should I finish it for you? Should I end it?" Tamahome asked. Tasuki winced as the dagger was drawn in deeper. A little more and he would meet the same fate as the soldier laying beside him.

"If it would make you happy, Tamahome, then by all means." Tasuki raised his chin a fraction, presenting his already bloody neck to the other man. He was surprised when the weapon was pulled away and Tamahome backed off.

"Only one thing makes me happy in this world now. Everything I do, I do for her. And I don't think killing you would please her." Tamahome said. He turned around, looking for another Kutou soldier to kill.

"Wait! Miaka, where is she?" Tasuki cried to his retreating back.

"She's safe," Tamahome answered. He didn't look back. Tasuki's eyes followed him until they lost sight of him in the fray. It was the last he ever saw of the Suzaku Seven's shining leader. 

"And stay dead, bastard!" Tasuki heard a familiar voice scream from somewhere close to him. A voice he hadn't been expecting among those of his friends. Tasuki's world suddenly came to a screeching halt.

What? It couldn't be...they wouldn't have...

Tasuki slowly turned around.

++

How could it be? How could it be?! How could Genroh have done such a thing? Impossible! Kouji couldn't believe it.

When he'd arrived, he'd expected Genroh to be there, to greet him as he rode up with his men. It had been a hard journey, moving that fast with so many, but the prospect of seeing Genroh again made the trek seem more endurable. Kouji had been surprised when only a handful of Genroh's friends showed up to welcome him. It was then that his Highness and the Priestess had told him.

Tasuki had betrayed them.

Tasuki was with Kutou now.

Kouji had been unable to move, to speak, for several minutes. Surely they were lying! Playing a cruel joke on him and any minute now Genroh would spring from behind one of these pillars. A quick check revealed them all to be Genroh-less. 

How could it be? Kouji asked himself for the millionth time. What had they done to him to make him that way? The Genroh Kouji knew would not have! The Genroh Kouji loved...

Hotohori had offered him a choice then. He could return home, forget about the summons, and pretend like nothing was happening. Or he could fight with them, against his best friend. Or he could join him. Hotohori was a generous man, Kouji found.

Kouji thought about it all night. What came first? His love or his country? Could he just forget about it? No. He couldn't just run away. He couldn't join those pigs either. So he should stay with Konan. But what about Genroh? His thoughts raced round circle.

In the end, his bedroom in tatters, he reached a decision. He had to stay with Konan. His conscience would not let it be otherwise. He would fight his friend--if he was still alive, the Suzaku warriors felt the need to point out. 

Kouji almost thought it better for him to think like that. 

++

Kouji was wiping blood off his face with the back of his hand, and so did not immediately see his old friend. As his eyes shifted from the corpse to scan the battlefield, his vision lighted to Tasuki.

They were still, staring at each other for a few moments as the war was waging around them.

"Genroh!" Kouji exclaimed softly, but Tasuki could hear him. He'd always been able to hear him.

"What are you doing here?" Tasuki mouthed, he couldn't find his voice. He wasn't supposed to see him like this...out of everyone...

Kouji finally started to move to him. When they met, Tasuki had to fight not to throw himself in the other man's arms and sob.

"They told me. About what happened." Kouji said. "I didn't believe them until I saw you here." 

"Kouji..." Tasuki couldn't meet his eyes.

"I preferred to think you dead."

"Kouji!" 

"Why did you do it?" Kouji asked. "Tell me that. Tell me that so I don't have to hate you anymore..."

"You weren't supposed to see me like this! Not you! I should've died a long time ago." Tasuki's eyes filled with tears; he was crying. More than anything, he'd expected comfort from this man, compassion, understanding, unconditional...what? Love? Yes, that was what he'd been expecting. But people have their limits, he supposed.

"Just tell me why you did it!! What did you get? Money? Because we had lots of that!" Kouji was accusing, his eyes hot and angry. Why wouldn't anyone just kill him? So much better than a stranger, at least. It would certainly hurt less than what Kouji was putting him through.

"No! Nothing like that! You wouldn't understand!"

"Try me." 

"I...I--" Tasuki began. His fists clenched at his sides, the tears streamed down his face. How could he tell him how pathetic he was? How much lower would his opinion drop of him? Kouji was the one person with whom he had ever been entirely happy; only happy memories, all the others brought him pain to remember the good times. He'd just ruined that, too.

Another skirmish broke out behind him. It was dangerous and stupid, to be so vulnerable during a battle. Looking down, he noticed Kouji's weapon. That was good. He could protect himself with that. His eyes trailed from the weapon to meet Kouji's eyes, the same color as his.

"Are you going to kill me, or not?" Tasuki asked. His eyes cleared of tears and he stopped shaking. Now that everything had been taken from him...And it was all his fault. _All his fault_. 

"What?!" Kouji asked, the sudden question taking him off guard. "Why..." The look in Tasuki's eyes was scaring him. Such utter desolation and pain. Tasuki never should have had to look like that.

"You have no idea, what it's been like, living like this for so long." Tasuki stared at the ground, his hair hiding much of his face. "What kind of agony I go through everyday...If you have any mercy at all, you'll kill me."

"Genroh...what's happened to you?" Kouji looked horrified, appalled at seeing his friend, who was always the stronger of the two of them, deteriorated to such a state. Looking up and catching Kouji's expression, Tasuki became angry.

"You won't even do this for me? Do I really deserve all of this?" His eyes flew up, directing his last question heavenward. "Fine. Fine. I'll do it myself." He grabbed a fallen soldier's weapon, and before Kouji could think to stop him, plunged it deep into his midsection. 

"Genroh!" Kouji cried, catching him as he fell. 

"Ow...It hurts." Tasuki groaned, warm purple blood slipping between his fingers. For some reason he hadn't been expecting this much pain. In a matter of seconds, both Tasuki's and Kouji's hands were slick with the stuff.

"My God..." Kouji rasped out, beginning to cry himself. "What have you done? What have you done?!" The blood continued to flow, despite the hard pressure he was applying.

"I did it, at first, because I was intrigued." Tasuki continued, ignoring the other man. "Nakago..." Kouji shook his head. All of a sudden, he didn't want to hear this. He didn't need to hear this anymore. 

"I was looking for something." He managed. "I was looking for someone..."

"Just, just shut up, would you?" Kouji scanned the battlefield for anything, anyone that could help them. All he saw was death.

Tasuki glared up at him, eyes flashing. "You wanted to hear this!" He coughed, blood ran down his chin, mimicking the tears on Kouji's face. "I wanted what everyone else had. Like Miaka and Tamahome. But I was stupid, and was looking in the wrong place."

Kouji's eyes closed, trying to block out his friend's pained, relieved expression. If only he'd told him earlier. "You couldn't find it here? With me?" Kouji asked, taking his friend's face, wiping off the blood. Suddenly Tasuki's eyes opened.

"You? All this time?" Tasuki laughed, bringing more blood. "It's ironic...I never knew. Why did you never tell me?"

"...I--" Kouji looked down, hiding his eyes. "I was getting around to it..." 

Tasuki laughed again. It was a wet, sick sound. "It's...it's good to know, at least. A bit late, though..." His eyes closed again.

"Tasuki...don't." Kouji sobbed.

Tasuki has never heard Kouji call that name aloud; he missed it this time, too.

++

It was raining as he returned to Reikaku. It had been raining since the battle had ended. So far, it didn't show any signs of stopping. Kouji stared straight ahead as his horse tried to pick its way through the sludge. He didn't bother to wear a cowl or cape. What was the point? It would be soaked through in seconds. 

Many had died in that battle, of Kutou and Konan, alike. Too many for individual burying, they'd opted for funeral pyres. It was surprising, that so many could die in so short a time. The battle had only lasted a few hours before the emperor was killed and Nakago had disappeared. The fighting had come to an abrupt standstill then. He never met with any of the remaining Suzaku Seven, after, deciding to just go home, his duties for his country fulfilled.

A horse with a lone rider approached him from behind.

The duties he'd ignored for far too long were finally taking precedence.

"You shouldn't be riding yet." He said, not looking over.

"You worry too much." The rider replied.

"Maybe," Kouji replied. "I have my eyes on you, now."

"Did they ever leave?"

"Yes. Look what happened, Genroh." Kouji smiled and glanced over to the hooded figure riding next to him. He looked away, hiding his face in the cape.

"Just forget about it for now. You'll live long enough to pay back your debt here. Like my father used to say, it doesn't rain everyday." Kouji laughed and extended his arms, wrapping one around his partner, the other reaching for the sky. 

"No. It can't rain everyday." Tasuki finally agreed. He gazed up into the sky, letting the storm envelop him.

THE END


End file.
